Would you rather...

As I sit at my computer with one week, seven days, one hundred and 68 hours, 10,800 minutes, 604,800 seconds, left until the last day of college, I cannot help but feel overwhelmed with sadness and disbelief.  Last day of classes (LDOC) for me EVER.   In one week, I will be a Duke graduate (well, actual graduation is May 15 but LDOC is in one week).  The time has flown.  Freshmen, if you are reading this blog, cherish the time because you soon will be sitting in my seat.  Alumni.  Graduate.  I went to Duke, rather than I go to Duke.
Four years ago, I stepped on Duke’s campus as a petrified, lost, overwhelmed, alone freshman.  I had never heard of the notion "effortlessly perfect."  But over my four years, I have heard this phrase on countless occasions.
Gosh, she looks perfect today.  Where is her dress from?  Look at her hair.  She is so skinny.  She is so tan.  I wish I looked like her.  What sorority is she in?  She has a good-looking boyfriend too.  She is so cool.  And she doesn't even try.
If you take nothing else away from this blog, I hope you remember this:  She does try.  She tries hard.  She puts effort into her life, into her appearance, into her social life.  We all try.  Because we are all not perfect.
The past four years have been far from perfect.  I have made mistakes, I have done poorly on tests, I have eaten too much on countless occasions, I have looked tired and disheveled.  I have been constantly not perfect.  And certainly never effortlessly perfect.  I am still not perfect and will never be.  I am a nerd, I try to do well in my classes.  I have been in the library on a Saturday night.  I am goofy and awkward.  I do not always do my hair or my makeup.  I am not cooler than your standard Cameron Crazie. I am a Cameron Crazie.  I am content with my imperfect appearance, my "awkward/uncool" personality.  I would much rather be myself...

Cool?

 Best Dressed?

I am a Cameron Crazie!

The perfect picture.

Nerd

Natural. and Real.

I would much rather be me than an effortlessly perfect robot.  

So what would you rather? Perfect and no fun? Or a girl or a boy with a personality and something to contribute?

What Culture?

The Culture of Effortless Imperfection:

It’s 3 p.m. on a beautiful spring day. I pass by a West Campus bench and see a shirtless young man enjoying a cheap beer and scratching his navel. Nearby, his friends barbecue and blast either Tom Petty or a boldly mediocre Atlanta rapper.

This guy, with his farmer’s tan and his awesomely battered boat shoes, looks perfectly happy. That’s what he wants us to think. Beneath this seemingly chill surface, his mind is racing. He has to work hard to appear so completely indifferent to schoolwork, ideas, national and international affairs and pretty much anything that doesn’t come in a can and profess to be “beer.” The appearance of utter imperfection is never accomplished without both self-conscious effort and a pair of salmon-colored shorts.

How can we let this young man know that we feel for him, that it doesn’t have to be this way? We could start by finding him something in a nice earth tone.

Clear as Glass

“Depression exists at Duke.  But it is hidden.  Jane is normally a very sunny girl.  Even during her depression, she always had a kind word or a funny story…she didn’t want anyone to know.  She wanted to hide, just as she desperately wanted to blink away her tears. 

Until now, no one knew about her depression, not even her closest friends.  Jane had never talked to anyone about it, except with Counseling and Psychological Services and her parents.  She had always kept it to herself, sealed away from the eyes of the world.”

As I read the article in the Chronicle this morning, I couldn’t help but link the feelings Jane expresses, or fails to express, to the struggles associated with those who suffer from the quest to effortless perfection.  Similar battles, depression and effortless perfection; not always mutually exclusive, one potentially at the root of the other and vice versa.  A vicious cycle. Depression and effortless perfection hold that elusive place in society, similarly hidden and avoided topics of discussion.

Jane- a tormented soul struggling to find peace within herself. “CAPS is helping Jane get through her depression.” Counseling and Psychological Services (CAPS) helps girls overcome the fight to be effortlessly perfect.  

Gary Glass, 

Licensed Psychologist and 

Assistant Director for Outreach and Developmental Programming and Duke University Counseling and Psychological Services (CAPS), provides an insight into the struggles he sees everyday.  

1- Do you see effortless perfection as a main source of stress/mental struggles at Duke?  If so, do you think it is worse here than at other colleges?

 I do see this concept as a significant source, although I hear the term a lot less than I did 3-5 years ago.  I think that, in addition (but part of) this concept is also a prohibition of vulnerability.   Not only is that a problem because it sends people into hiding when they are struggling in any way, but also because it deprives the campus culture from the intricacies of being human that would deepen friendships and inform relationships of all levels.   I think the effects are stronger than at many other institutions, partly because of how insulated the campus community is, the relative smaller size (the more students, the more difference is accepted), and because it's a highly selective institution (which creates a competitive context).

2- Do you see boys as well as girls dealing with effortless perfection here at Duke?  

 Yes, but in different ways.   While men are increasingly facing body image problems, those pressures are still rather gendered in such a way that women struggle more often and more profoundly with achieving an idealized body type.  I think the way "perfection" is defined in terms of career choice, courses taken, etc can also be somewhat gendered.  I also see that race and culture play a role in how perfection is defined on campus, and students of color, students from backgrounds with less economic resources, and students from other countries all confront ideals that may not fit with the world view they arrived here with.

3- How do you think as a community and a society we can fight effortless perfection?

 Blogs like yours and the Me Too blog, which a student and I launched a few years ago, have the right idea.  The more open people are, the more they take risks to show their true selves (confident when that's true, and vulnerable when that's true) are key.  I also think about defining success and strength with greater flexibility and less in dichotomous terms would go a long way.  

4- Any additional comments you may have on the subject.  I am really just looking for a new point of view that is close to the source of the problem at Duke.  

 Just that last point I made.  You may notice that my signature line has a quote in it that refers to paradox.  

"I had to make my world large, as the universe is large, so that there would be room for paradox."  - Maxine Hong Kingston

I believe the core issue is that students promote and buy into (not to mention the university as a whole) a dichotomous view of life that's limiting, misleading, and problematic.  Good/Bad, Fat/Thin, Intelligent/Stupid, All/Nothing, Black/White, Perfect/Worthless.  Furthermore, this tendency to operate from such a lens comes from a culture where FEAR drives attitudes and behaviors more than ASPIRATIONS and HOPES.   That's a paragraph summary of a much more elaborate explanation, but the book will take a little longer to get out, so that's a sneak preview.   

So to the world, Jane is good, thin, intelligence, has it all, perfect.  But inside, she feels alone, feels bad, stupid, worthless.  Dr. Glass works to dispel the dichotomy, provide an alternative for a harsh line dividing the good from the bad, the happy from the depressed, the “perfect” from the flawed. 

A Show a Cut Above the Rest

Some strong adult content is not for the faint of heart, so leave the kids at home.

            That is for sure.   I just got back from the show, All of the Above.  Did you see it?  It was incredible.  Absolutely incredible.  It was heart-wrenching, inspiring, brutally honest, eye-opening, sickening, saddening – it had to have touched every emotion in every individual in the audience.  We laughed, we choked up, we were inspired.  The show, verbally presented as -

a theatrical production comprised by monologues written, performed, and directed by Duke women about Duke life. The play represents the female experience on campus by addressing the sad, strange, shocking, and funny things that make life as a woman so unique. The pieces included in this year’s show were selected from a collection of monologues anonymously submitted during the fall semester…

            But it was far more than that. It was a display of the torment and struggles Duke women face in the hope of achieving effortless perfection.  But as one of the monologues truthfully phrased the struggle as “effortlessly perfect on the outside, demented and a mess on the inside.”  All the Above beautifully displayed an unfiltered, unedited version of the struggle that is often buffered and softened for the general public. 

I think every student at Duke should see these series of monologues- both female and male students.  For female students (especially those who may deal with some of the issues addressed) - to feel a sense of connection to other women on campus, to know that you are never alone – someone out there is feeling your pain and struggle.  Despite the fact that the show centers on women’s struggles on campus, males should see it too.  Males alike (probably more hidden and less verbalized) may be experiencing some of the feelings these women portray.  Since the male perception of Duke women as effortlessly perfect is far too common, the show serves as a platform for understanding women’s inner demons as a result of the pedestal that both men and women raise women to.   And for both genders - see this series to deepen the evidence that NO one is perfect.  We can try all we want to be but it will never happen.  Let the notion go, for the longer you hold on to it, the longer the inner demons have to grow and the further you have to fall when the realization hits that you are NOT perfect.  But All the Above will serve as the reminder that NO ONE is perfect.

            

What is the cost?

I have only seen a few perfect games in my life, one of which was two nights ago.  And it was not my team that had the perfect game, but rather the opponent.   Duke was the on the receiving end of a perfect game from Derrick Williams, the Arizona wildcat that single-handedly defeated Duke and crushed Duke’s dreams of a repeat National Championship.  The loss broke my heart.  As I watched in disbelief and disappointment as Arizona extended its lead in the second half, I was crushed.  I was sad for myself (I know selfish but I just love watching Duke play), for the fans, for the student body, but most of all, for the players.  The thirteen players who have dedicated countless hours and energy to the one goal – to be the 2011 National Champions in Men’s Division I basketball.   Yes a lofty goal but not out of reach.  Until the other night.   I had Duke winning the national championship in my bracket, not just because I am a huge Duke fan (obviously) but because I really did think they could do it again.  Yet, what we saw the other night was not the perfect game we, as Duke fans, hoped from Duke but instead we were on the receiving team of a powerful game from a guy name Derrick Williams.  He just couldn’t miss. And Duke just couldn’t stop him.  Hitting the three with no time on the clock heading into half time was the dagger that Duke just couldn’t recover from. 

Williams, the sophomore sensation, had 32 points, 13 rebounds, three steals, two assists, and a block in Arizona’s victory. The big man was 5-6 from beyond the arc, and absolutely unstoppable all game long.

Source

Perfection.  The perfect game.  That is what every athlete, every team, every school hopes for when the athletes and coaches step into the arena. The goal to have a perfect game every game is not realistic and sets up every team, every player, every coach for disappointment.  Bad games happen, good games happen often, great games sometimes, but perfect games are rare, extremely rare.  Nolan Smith has had ten point games, followed by a thirty-point game.  The same can be said for Singler.  And Williams too is no exception.  In the basketball world, Williams showcased a phenomenal game last night. 

The hope for a perfect game extends far beyond basketball. In baseball,

A perfect game is defined by Major League Baseball as a game in which a pitcher (or combination of pitchers) pitches a victory that lasts a minimum of nine innings and in which no opposing player reaches base.[2] Thus, the pitcher (or pitchers) cannot allow any hits, walks, hit batsmen, or any opposing player to reach base safely for any other reason—in short, "27 up, 27 down". The feat has been achieved 20 times in the history of major league baseball—18 times since the modern era began in 1900.

It has happened 18 times in 21 years.  How many games of baseball have been played in that time frame?  Thousands? Maybe millions?  Every game, the pitcher strives to pitch the perfect game.  And each time they don’t (which is most of the time), they are disappointed.  So why do we as a society strive to achieve perfection in sports when it is so rare?  No wonder some athletes turn to steroids or other unethical ways to improve.  No wonder coaches break the NCAA rules of recruiting.   No wonder some professional athletes have depression and mental disorders. They want that perfect game, the perfect team.  They want to be champions.  But what is the cost?  

Always Feeling Rushed? You are not alone.

Newswise — While more free time sounds like a good thing for everyone, new research suggests it is a better deal for men than it is for women.

A study found that men who have more free time feel less rushed than men with less leisure time. But even when women have more time free from paid work and household tasks, they don’t feel less rushed.

Heard: A male's opinion

For this week’s post, I decided to dissect the phenomenon of effortless perfection from a different perspective, that of a Duke male.  Yes, you heard me, M-A-L-E.  Females are not the only gender that feels the pressures and stresses of the out-of-reach dream to be effortlessly perfect.  Up to this point in my blog, my posts have focused on integrating the viewpoints of popular media articles, well-known public opinion pieces, and publications targeting the pressures of Duke women and women in general as well as expressing my own opinion on the subject.  Yet, by tapping into another resource, I hope to add depth to my overall argument: no one is effortlessly perfect.  No one should try to appear perfect.  Yet females feel the pressure.  Males experience the stress.  People of all identities can identify with the struggle to be perfect.   

So here it goes.  Heard: A male's opinion. (Although his identity will remain confidential, his thoughts are shared below).

Profile: 

School: Duke

Gender: Male

Age: 21

Year: Junior

Hometown: B.C., Canada

1- Did you hear the term ‘effortless perfection’ before you came to Duke?

Yes. Read it in the rolling stone article that covered the Duke lacrosse scandal.

2- How would you personally define the term?

The expectation that someone (usually women but sometimes men) should

be able to appear perfect (good grades, perfect wardrobe, go out all

the time, high social standing, high family income) without "trying"

(lots of time in the library, part time job, appear over-eager to be well

known, etc) to do so.

3- Do you personally feel the pressure of effortless perfection on a day-to-day basis?

Sort of. I feel a pressure to be seen with "high status" people, hook

up with certain girls, and be able to run up bar tabs pretty

regularly.

4- How have you seen girls/boys struggle with it?

More girls than guys. And only close friends, who confide in me or

that I see enough to observe the pressure in.

5- Do you think it is different here than other schools?

Yes and no. I think Duke’s social scene creates more pressure than

elsewhere with high academic standards. Very few places combine

academic and social pressures as much as Duke.

6- Any additional comments on the topic.

I think that "effortless perfection" is internal within the sexes;

other girls care more about what a girl wears more than guys do and

guys are more apt to judge someone’s family income or friends than

girls.

Workhardgetskinny

Workhardgetskinny. SpRiNg BrEaK 2k11.  For Duke, spring break officially started Friday at 6pm. Spring break should be a time of low-stress, seven days of rest and relaxation.  No classes, no homework due tomorrow, minimal responsibility.  So, what comes to mind when you think of spring break?  For me, it is warm weather, a time to relax on the beach or poolside with the hope of getting some color.  It is a cherished time to recharge your batteries.  However, on the flip side of that coin, spring break can also foster a lot of stress, not about classes and work but rather about one’s body, in a bathing suit.  The planning and preparation for a week in the sun, in a bathing suit, must start weeks and even months prior to spring break.  And as a result, the gym can get particularly crowded in the days and weeks leading up to spring break, as everyone tries to get into tip-top shape. The treadmills are constantly occupied, at an almost constant turnover rate.  A single girl can occupy the elliptical for hours at a time, as fatigue and the pressure for that perfect body exist in constant competition.

“Oh my gosh I am so tired and bored.  My playlist has already repeated three times.  It is time to leave the gym and eat dinner.”

“Oh no, it’s not.  No dinner. Spring break is in three days.  Food is the enemy.”

Bikinis are certainly not very forgiving, so I can say I definitely understand the pressure to shed those last few pounds before being in a bikini in front of peers and classmates.  So as the gym gets increasingly more crowded, the dining halls and restaurants seem to become increasingly more vacant. Food is Poison and Diet Coke is Love serve as sources of inspiration for many spring break dieters. Numerous websites and social networking sites too offer places for young people to gather and motivate each other to reach that ideal body in a matter of weeks. For college kids, spring break seems to serve as a time to showcase your perfect body, your perfectly tan, skinny, toned, flawless body. That idealized version of oneself seems to serve as the motivation for cutting back on calories and hitting the gym, in the days and weeks leading up to spring break.  The bikini contests, the wet t-shirt contests and the MTV hit spring break shows only add fuel the fire.   

Spring break itself as a cultural phenomenon embodies a certain desire to reach that ideal weight and look a certain way in a bikini in front of your peers and classmates. So as I leave for the Dominican Republic tomorrow morning at 7:00 am, I’ll let you know how I do on my spring break.  Did I hit the gym as much as I should have?  Was that candy and ice cream really worth it?  The unforgiving stares of those too on SpRiNg BrEAk 2k11 will certainly not fail to let me know how if I pass the spring break test.   

The Chronicle Speaks...

"As a culture we have forgotten the capacity to embrace all aspects of the self – to embrace both the weakness and our areas of vulnerability. And social norms (i.e. to be strong, independent, driven, non-vulnerable, etc.), dictate that it is taboo to acknowledge our areas of vulnerability or imperfections with others, that it is taboo to be truly authentic." - Gary Glass, Ph.D. and part of Duke faculty 

The Dress of the Century

            My wedding has to perfect.  I mean I have envisioned it ever since I was a little girl.   A beautifully white gown, perfectly fitted on my slim, tan body (this is how I picture my body on my wedding day).  The perfect shoes, not too high but high enough so that I walk as if I am floating down the aisle.  My hair falls perfectly around my face, topped by a veil that is ever so gracefully lifted by my father as I am presented to my future husband. I can picture everything: the atmosphere, the mood, the weather, the wedding party, the day…I can envision it so clearly now, but as vision turns to the groom, it suddenly blurs. Before my wedding day can occur, I guess I first have to find the perfect groom….

            Kate Middleton has found her perfect groom, Prince William…ever heard of him?  This wedding must be perfect. The dress...

“This dress has to be perfect ,” renowned British designer Bruce Oldfield tells OK!. “A hand-crafted piece of couture, using only the best materials; nothing about the fit or finish can be left to chance. It will be part of history.”

...the shoes, the atmosphere, the setting, the weather, the audience, the wedding party, EVERYTHING must be perfect.  And, perfect not only in the eyes of Kate, the bride, but in the eyes of the royal family, the country of England, the entire public who so desires to witness this monumental wedding.  Talk about pressure on Kate and Prince William.  Pressure to be the perfect wedding, the perfect bride, the perfect couple, the perfect Princess (different than princess) and Prince.

It’s hard enough picking out the perfect wedding dress when you’re marrying Prince Charming. Imagine trying to do so when you’re engaged to a real prince!

Personally, I cannot even imagine the pressure Kate Middleton feels to be the main attraction at arguably one of the most anticipated weddings of the century.  I would imagine that pressure to be perfect for this day must be suffocating.  Yes, she is beautiful, classy and fit to be a princess but she is human, she is flawed as we all are.  

She better not trip down aisle or stutter on her vows or be anything less than perfect because the public will surely be watching and taking note.  She better not follow in the footsteps of Christina Aguilera, who recently was the victim of the harsh public wrath after she floundered the lyrics of our country’s National Anthem.  How could she possibly do that??? I mean, she wasn’t singing in front of millions of people or anything, heaven forbid we cut her any slack.  I could NEVER sing in front of ten people, let alone 111 million viewers, the most in Super Bowl history.  I could also NEVER walk down the aisle with more than one hundred people staring at me.  But good luck to you Kate, and to you too Christina in your next performance, because soon enough the public will zoom in on someone else and their failure to be perfect.  

Black and White

Dangerous Perfection


I love going to the movies.  It offers a promising way to get lost in another world, to let go of your individual worries and get lost in those of someone else.  Bask in the success or misery of the main characters, a way to take on their issues as if they were your own.  For me, I usually go to the movies to see romance, to enjoy light-hearted movies, the ones that stimulate my happy endorphins.  However, occasionally I will go to the movies to see the darker, more riveting movies; these too offer a temporary escape from reality.  Sometimes these worlds that we get lost in at the movies are more frightening and disturbing than our own, as the movie plots take real problems and exacerbate them.  This is certainly the case with the psychological thriller Black Swan. The movie is a perfect (no irony intended) example of the dangerous quest to achieve perfection. 

Natalie Portman is terrifyingly talented as Nina Sayers, a psychotic ballerina trying to find and define herself by her dancing capabilities.  She is a ballerina struggling to perfectly capture both the white and black swan characters in Swan Lake, all in a single two-hour performance. 

The White Swan is a pure, elegant ballerina who is constantly contradicted by the evil seductress Black Swan– Nina must strive to be both, and not just be both, but capture both contrasting personalities perfectly.  She undoubtedly pushes herself to the limit, reaching her fatal breaking point at the climax of the movie. 

The goal of perfection drove Nina to death, literally.  She gave herself an ultimatum, be perfect, accept nothing less.  Too many aspects of her life were affected by the intangible goal to be perfect- her eating, her relationship with her mother, her romantic relationship, her attitude about herself and her attitude towards life.  And unfortunately, the list goes on and on. 

Despite the fact that much of Nina’s struggle was internal, the audience was able to see the ultimate showcase of the terrifying, self-defeating nature of her strive to achieve perfection, in her frail, anorexic, ballerina, body. 

Black Swan captured … “the pain of Nina, a crazed, neurotic, and psychologically disturbed woman, via her body. Furthermore, I presume that beyond allowing her to physically manifest Nina's inner turmoil, losing so much weight also allowed Portman to connect with the character on a deeper and more truthful emotional level. Psychoses aside, Portman's rail thin physique was also crucial to painting a realistic picture of the ballet world.”

 Granted, Nina’s drive to be perfect was far from effortless.  Regardless, however, the want and need to be perfect, no matter how one tries to achieve this goal, is self-defeating, as showcased beautifully by Natalie Portman in Black Swan.  

Before And After

Before and After ....


Before Three Clicks of a Mouse and After....


Real-Life You to Phlawless You

Phlawless

Check out Faith Hill, or can I say “Faith Hill” on the cover of a fashion magazine.   She looks incredible, right?  Thin, pretty, tan, with perfect makeup and the perfect body, all captured by a single photograph.  I’d even go as far to say, she looks absolutely flawless. 

            I can’t begin to imagine the number of young women who have subconsciously or consciously thought, wow I wish I looked that good (I know that I have).  I wish my face and my body could be captured that perfectly.  In reality, however, that is not the real Faith Hill.  That is a photoshopped, altered, perfected, or Stepfordized, as some call it, version of Faith Hill. 

“One of her arms was thinned by about 40 percent, an unflattering roll of flab was removed, and her left hand was turned into a left forearm pose. Most disturbingly to me, her face shape was distorted, like a Barbie doll's can be molded by squeezing it.”

            That picture, that flawless women, is not real. She does not exist. I do not walk around campus as the photoshopped version of me.  She does not walk around Hollywood as that version of herself.  So why should it exist online then? My facebook photos are certainly not photoshopped.  Are yours?

Regardless of the idealized images in photoshop, women still today strive to be more like the flawless women on the cover of glamour magazines.  The digitized, stepfordized version of Faith Hill is what we, as human women, desire to look like, as we walk the streets and go about their daily routines.  Phlawless.

 Effortless perfection is the condensation of the drive to be the physical version of the phlawless version of oneself.  Photoshopping and perfecting photographs is the modern ability to transform flawed realities to flawless photographs, in a mere matter of minutes and clicks of a mouse.

Since I know you are all thinking it, what would you change?  How would you photoshop your digital self to make you appear more stepfordized and flawless? For me personally, I’d say…. Add a little tan to my whole body, a little more bronze to my face especially.  Add some definition to my arms, make them look thin but toned. Add some volume to my hair.  Cut a few inches off my inner thighs.  Define my calves.  Lift and perfectly round my butt.  Make my eyes sparkle.  Now that is perfect.  The new, phlawless me.  Don’t I look great?  But how sick is that? 

“I am at a loss for ways to combat the media's standards of beauty. But seeing the curtains of digital magic pulled back to reveal reality can remind each of us to give ourselves a break when we look in the mirror.”

Yes, we all have those days, bad hair days, tired days, sweatpants days.  Some days are just a struggle to lift those covers.  But the media sure is not helping.  There is a level of beauty that is universal and real, a beautiful that shines inside and out.  A beauty that is envious.  But the media beauty, the fake beauty created by magazines, is certainly not enviable.  I’d go as far to say that it is sickening.              

How To Say No

“Just say no: no, you may not take five APs, no, you may not join four teams this season, no, you may not stay up until 2:00am doing homework, no, you may not volunteer three times a week at the Food Bank, no, you may not participate in activities simply to pad your resume. Whatever the consequences, you'll survive and we'll continue to love you. Saying no is a lot easier, and a lot more sensible, than waging the wrong revolution.”  - Nancy Reagan

            N.O. Two simple letters that comprise one one-syllable word, no.  No, probably one of your first words as a child.  No, often paired with yes, two words defined as a system of affirmatives and negatives in a language, every language. So why can’t we say no to too much? 

Pencils and Erasers

Forgive me.  I should take a step back.  I started off blogging in such a hurry, with so much excitement to get right into the meat of the theme of this blog. I jumped RIGHT in, dissecting the futile quest to be effortlessly perfect.  I completely disregarded the fact that many of my readers may not be familiar with the term effortless perfection.  As a term coined at Duke, effortless perfection is something I, and my peers I’m sure, are not unfamiliar with, in terms of both the definition and the pressure.  But as a blogger, I overlooked the most important thing – making sure my readers know what I am talking about. I am sorry for that and apologize if you were confused. Keep in mind though, I am not perfect ;).  However, I hope to clear up the confusion now, but I get any further in my blogging.

So as I take a step back, I’ll clue you in on what ‘effortless perfection’ really means, from the campus where the term (not the idea however) originated.  2003.  What happened in 2003? The war in Darfur begins.  The first case of SARS is identified in Vietnam.  Hu Jintao begins his reign as President of the People’s Republic of China. Ruben Studdard wins American Idol, defeating Clay Aiken.  Elizabeth Smart finally returns home.  2003 is the year of origin of the term effortless perfection at Duke University.  In 2003, Duke defined Effortless Perfection rather eloquently (with the definition and the aura of the term still “eloquently” present and applicable today):

“According to the Women's Initiative report, "effortless perfection" is a social environment described by the 'expectation that one would be smart, accomplished, fit, beautiful, and popular, and that all this would happen without visible effort.' The noun-phrase "effortless perfection" has taken on the characteristics of an entity in and of itself. "Effortless perfection" is not just an idea at Duke, the report implies by using the term in this manner, it actually exists.”

As much as I’d like to be proud that I go to school where some new hot term originated, but unfortunately in this context, it is not something to flaunt.  The pressure to be perfect is paramount, undeniably tangible. “[W]omen at Duke expect themselves to be perfect, and beyond that, perfect without effort. Doesn't that sound a little problematic?”  

What do you think? Do you think this phenomenon presents a problem, now that you know what I am talking about now?  It is certainly a sticky subject; an elephant in a room full of female students that I would argue exists outside the confines of Duke’s campus.  But spoken in the words of a true male Dukie, “No one is perfect... that's why pencils have erasers.”

Why do Girls have to be Girls?

This morning, I googled “effortless perfection” just to see what was the first entry to come up in the search browser.  I was curious as to how it would be defined and addressed on the web since it is an abstract and often elusive notion.  I initially thought Wikipedia or some sort of definition would be the first google search entry,

 but instead, the first article that came up was “Freshman Women At Duke University Battle 'Effortless Perfection'".  Now how ironic is that.  The article picks the brain of Alison Perlberg, an 18-year-old Duke freshman from Atlanta, who has felt the pressure to be effortlessly perfect from the time she stepped onto the Durham campus in her sweats and t-shirt (and a lack of make-up of course).    

The Duke University Women’s Center is fervently aware of this pressure, as the Center understands effortless perfection, as defined by a Duke female undergraduate herself, to be the idea that females at Duke, as well as around the country, must “not only  be academically successful, but also successful by all the traditionally female markers -- thin, pretty, well-dressed, nice hair, nice nails. And, the real rub is you had to do it with no visible effort" (Farrelly).  How is this possible?  Is there really a way to roll out of bed the morning, with hair perfectly straightened, a face perfectly bronzed and make-uped, nails manicured with that divine Fiji color, and a coordinated outfit in line for the day?   If this was possible, every girl would love to know the secret behind this phenomenon.  But the bottom line is that this effortless perfection is impossible to achieve- and furthermore “the quest for it leads only to feelings of inadequacy” (Farrelly).

But the pressure remains.  The notion effortless perfection, so out of reach, continues to permeate societies across the country and across the globe.  Then the question that lingers becomes…where does this pressure come from to achieve the impossible?  The pressure and “expectation is derived from the images of female perfection that Americans see every day on television and in movies and magazines” (Farrelly).  The enforcement of the perfection however is more perplexing, as the head of the Duke Women’s center, Donna Lisker, argues that “it is not just the men who are pushing women to live up to these expectations – it is other women” (Farrelly).  I know the saying, girls will be girls.  But why are girls driving other girls to quest for the impossible when everyone knows it is so far out of reach?

Facebook Perfection...

Gosh, I wish I had her hair, her body, her friends, her life.  How many times have you experienced or overheard this painful and ridiculous thought?  This phenomenon, which is often referred to as the grass-is-greener phenomenon, is prevalent in every community, in every country around the globe.  I can’t say I myself am innocent, I know I have thought it, I know I have said it out loud.   The “impression that others’ lives are happier and more successful than” yours is certainly not a unique thought (Szalavitz).  In Szalavtiz’s Time Magazine Article entitled “Misery Has More Company Than You Think on Facebook,” she tenderly addresses many areas of stress and sadness in young people especially that are often surprisingly overlooked by the media.  She sheds light on the elephant in the room, the strive to become perfect, and to do so effortlessly, obviously.

Facebook is a very public way to display your “perfect” life, your “perfect” friends, your “perfect” body, particularly since you can monitor and select what is to be seen.  You undoubtedly shape and modify your identity by what you choose to publically share on the World Wide Web.  But what is not captured on Facebook is the taxing effort and the recurrent feelings of inadequacy that accompany this attempt to achieve perfection, or at least to appear to have achieved perfection.  Facebook becomes an uphill battle, as your friends’ pages look like perfection. And for some reason, “other people’s happy[ness]..makes you feel sad” (Szalavtiz). 

So if your life isn’t perfect, like your friends’ lives appear to be on Facebook, other public arenas similarly constantly promote and provide ways to become “perfect.” Newspaper, magazine and internet headlines shout “Flatten Your Belly,”  “Best Diets,” “Top 10 Best Bikini Bodies,” “Celeb Fitness Secrets,” “Shocking Biggest Loser Transformations!,” “This Could be You” (with a “perfect” moment in time captured by the camera) and the list goes on and on as these headlines suggest possible ways to make your appearance, and thus your life, effortlessly perfect.  My personal favorite is the iconic obese, miserable girl with acne that has now reinvented as the six-pack endowed, beautiful babe, who now has not a worry in the world, by some magic potion.  The juxtaposition of “perfection” and, for lack of a better word, imperfect is often skeptically drastic and unrealistic.  Yet, society today still promotes this strive to be effortlessly perfect.  Duke’s community does it, my hometown does it, my friends do it, my classmates do it, and I know I personally do it.  Yet, it is impossible.  No matter what way you say it, what way you put it, no one is perfect and no one should strive to be.  And although it is easier said than done, the goal should not be to become perfect but rather to become perfectly not perfect.