Why do Girls have to be Girls?

This morning, I googled “effortless perfection” just to see what was the first entry to come up in the search browser.  I was curious as to how it would be defined and addressed on the web since it is an abstract and often elusive notion.  I initially thought Wikipedia or some sort of definition would be the first google search entry,

 but instead, the first article that came up was “Freshman Women At Duke University Battle 'Effortless Perfection'".  Now how ironic is that.  The article picks the brain of Alison Perlberg, an 18-year-old Duke freshman from Atlanta, who has felt the pressure to be effortlessly perfect from the time she stepped onto the Durham campus in her sweats and t-shirt (and a lack of make-up of course).    

The Duke University Women’s Center is fervently aware of this pressure, as the Center understands effortless perfection, as defined by a Duke female undergraduate herself, to be the idea that females at Duke, as well as around the country, must “not only  be academically successful, but also successful by all the traditionally female markers -- thin, pretty, well-dressed, nice hair, nice nails. And, the real rub is you had to do it with no visible effort" (Farrelly).  How is this possible?  Is there really a way to roll out of bed the morning, with hair perfectly straightened, a face perfectly bronzed and make-uped, nails manicured with that divine Fiji color, and a coordinated outfit in line for the day?   If this was possible, every girl would love to know the secret behind this phenomenon.  But the bottom line is that this effortless perfection is impossible to achieve- and furthermore “the quest for it leads only to feelings of inadequacy” (Farrelly).

But the pressure remains.  The notion effortless perfection, so out of reach, continues to permeate societies across the country and across the globe.  Then the question that lingers becomes…where does this pressure come from to achieve the impossible?  The pressure and “expectation is derived from the images of female perfection that Americans see every day on television and in movies and magazines” (Farrelly).  The enforcement of the perfection however is more perplexing, as the head of the Duke Women’s center, Donna Lisker, argues that “it is not just the men who are pushing women to live up to these expectations – it is other women” (Farrelly).  I know the saying, girls will be girls.  But why are girls driving other girls to quest for the impossible when everyone knows it is so far out of reach?

Facebook Perfection...

Gosh, I wish I had her hair, her body, her friends, her life.  How many times have you experienced or overheard this painful and ridiculous thought?  This phenomenon, which is often referred to as the grass-is-greener phenomenon, is prevalent in every community, in every country around the globe.  I can’t say I myself am innocent, I know I have thought it, I know I have said it out loud.   The “impression that others’ lives are happier and more successful than” yours is certainly not a unique thought (Szalavitz).  In Szalavtiz’s Time Magazine Article entitled “Misery Has More Company Than You Think on Facebook,” she tenderly addresses many areas of stress and sadness in young people especially that are often surprisingly overlooked by the media.  She sheds light on the elephant in the room, the strive to become perfect, and to do so effortlessly, obviously.

Facebook is a very public way to display your “perfect” life, your “perfect” friends, your “perfect” body, particularly since you can monitor and select what is to be seen.  You undoubtedly shape and modify your identity by what you choose to publically share on the World Wide Web.  But what is not captured on Facebook is the taxing effort and the recurrent feelings of inadequacy that accompany this attempt to achieve perfection, or at least to appear to have achieved perfection.  Facebook becomes an uphill battle, as your friends’ pages look like perfection. And for some reason, “other people’s happy[ness]..makes you feel sad” (Szalavtiz). 

So if your life isn’t perfect, like your friends’ lives appear to be on Facebook, other public arenas similarly constantly promote and provide ways to become “perfect.” Newspaper, magazine and internet headlines shout “Flatten Your Belly,”  “Best Diets,” “Top 10 Best Bikini Bodies,” “Celeb Fitness Secrets,” “Shocking Biggest Loser Transformations!,” “This Could be You” (with a “perfect” moment in time captured by the camera) and the list goes on and on as these headlines suggest possible ways to make your appearance, and thus your life, effortlessly perfect.  My personal favorite is the iconic obese, miserable girl with acne that has now reinvented as the six-pack endowed, beautiful babe, who now has not a worry in the world, by some magic potion.  The juxtaposition of “perfection” and, for lack of a better word, imperfect is often skeptically drastic and unrealistic.  Yet, society today still promotes this strive to be effortlessly perfect.  Duke’s community does it, my hometown does it, my friends do it, my classmates do it, and I know I personally do it.  Yet, it is impossible.  No matter what way you say it, what way you put it, no one is perfect and no one should strive to be.  And although it is easier said than done, the goal should not be to become perfect but rather to become perfectly not perfect.